Road Rage

Last weekend I drove to Bristol to visit my sister, and although this journey had been partaken numerous times before, it was on this particular trip that I realised just how much I hate driving.

When I say I hate driving, I don't necessarily mean the everyday social, business and pleasure drives, but the long, drawn out, stress-filled ones. The 'Bournemouth to Bristol Country Lane Horror' is one in general that really 'grinds my gears'.

First thing's first, any road trip requires some feel good tunes, luckily for me I had remembered to grab my iPod before dashing out the door that morning and was well equipped to play that funky music, or at least I thought; the damn thing was flat. This became Annoyance #1.

Annoyance #2 happened a little further along the road. After settling for Radio 1 with Greg James, I had become victim of 'Driving Without Due Care and Attention'. Behind me in a red Nissan Micra was a lady of around 50 years of age, driving right behind me.

Now, not only was I pissed off that this Nissan lady was almost hooking on to my tow bar and hitching a free ride, but I was also pretty pissed off that this woman, 26 years my senior, was effectively 'doing me'.

This Annoyance #2 was, of course, responsible for Annoyance #3. Like a deathly plague, these unfortunate series of events just kept leading on. Nissan had now been sitting in my back seat for the past 15 minutes, and it seemed no amount of hand gestures or shouting would get this bitch off my tail. That was until, low and behold, a takeover lane appeared ahead. Never before had I been so pleased to see a piece of grey tarmac, and I'm pretty sure that Nissan felt the same. I could almost see the glistening in her eyes as I frowned back at her through my rear-view mirror.

'Here's your chance Nissan' I said to myself through clenched teeth. Of course, Nissan took the chance with full glory and we were seconds away from being side to side with nothing between us but metal and road markings. This was my golden opportunity to deliver my telling off, I settled on a glare and perhaps even wave of the fist. However, to my dissapointment, as I turned to face my enemy and unleash my fury Nissan had passed, staring ahead, eyes on the road, and I realised I was going the wrong way.

I had successfully been bullied by an OAP in a Nissan Micra, and managed to drive in the wrong direction, unknowingly, for a full 15 minutes. What makes this even worse [yes, it gets worse] was that after retracing my steps, I was victimised again, this time by a beige Volkswagen campervan. Annoyance #3 & 4; done.

Thankfully, after these moments of madness had passed, [VW had turned off at a roundabout] I was on the open road and headed [in the right direction] to Bristol.
Everyone knows that when you see a tractor in the distance and have a line of traffic steadily flowing behind you that the dreaded overtake is awaiting. Give me a motorway and this is not a problem, in fact it doesn't even warrant a seconds thought. but on country lane, overtaking is quite the opposite. The reason?
Pressure.

As the steady line of traffic behind me slowly grew closer, I knew it was time. I weaved in and out from behind [what was now] my victim, hoping that this motion would reassure the angry drivers behind me that I was putting a plan in to action. But I wasn't really ready for such thing, seriously, these roads are narrow and my eyesight really isn't too great, the pressure from my growing queue of onlookers was starting to show, my palms were sweating and I'm sure I heard a heckle in the distance. It's in times like this when you know you are being called every name under the sun and everyone is saying; 'Tut, they could've made it then', or 'Go! Go! Go!’ It was now me on the recieving end of the cussing and gesturing that I had been dishing out earlier.

Thankfully, the tractor turned off into a passing farm, and it was now me who had become Nissan Micra lady looking straight ahead, eyes on the road as angry yelling faces passed me by.

Whoever said 'what goes around comes around' sure wasn't wrong...